What have I become?

As I grow up and develop, I have learned that I have stopped learning my own language. I have learned from great teachers, but what have I done to my self? I have adhered to the universal language and forgot my own native tongue of Filipino. I feel sad, I am, admittedly, also one of the smelly fishes that a song was referring to. “Ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika, ay higit pa ang amoy sa mabahon isda.”

How can I become a Filipino again? Not by citizenship, but by heart. As I enter this blogpost, I cannot even remember what the word grammar is in my Filipino language. I am dying. Dying because of the illness that struck me. Of not loving my own amongst others. 

What have I become? Educated in good schools, learned what person should learn in school. I am a monster. I don’t know my own self.

I am a child of the 90’s, i don’t know how to be a Filipino. I feel like I am apathetic to the issues concerning my country. I feel dead. I can’t even write a good English piece, how much more my own language. I even forget those important words in Filipino, What have I become? I feel like I am betraying my country. 

I don’t want other people to be like me. I want to find myself. Re-live my Filipino life and become a Filipino. 

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